Dark is the Night, Cold is the Ground

My grandmother was admitted to the ICU this morning.  She is on plenty of pain killers to sooth her pain, but the news from the doctor is not good.  She has colon cancer.  We wont know a lot more until after she has surgery.

I'm uncommonly close with my grandparents.  After my parents got divorced, I lived with my grandparents while my mom worked three jobs to try to support our small family.  They practically raised me during my younger years.  They walked me to the park, taught me how to play cards, and told me all sorts of stories from the days when they were young.  They were my mentors.

They're both in their 90's now.  They've each lived a long, good life.  My mom and I have seen their age catch up to them.  Until recently, my grandma and grandpa were always bumming around town, more so than most young whipper snappers these days.  Last year, my grandpa had a stroke and their quality of life has since changed drastically.

They're not the same people, although still loving and caring, kind and generous, they don't have the same light beaming from every ounce of their being.  We all know this time comes but its never easy.

I pray my grandmother will be alright so she can die comfortably in her sleep many years down the road.  However, I fear she may not want to fight this disease, and let the cancer take its course.

Grandma, I wish with everything in my heart that I could sit by your bedside right now.  I'm so far away and it pains me to know that you're going through this without me or my mom.  Stay strong, we need you.  I love you.